Weiss Hooks Up with Torchwick's Ghost
by Kuroyami Fukaikuro
Summary: Weiss Schnee hooks up with Roman Torchwick's ghost. Inspired by JelloApocalypse's video, "So This Is Basically RWBY". More specifically, a one-off joke from the video. Crack-fic.


**Author's Note: I've had this in mind since I first saw **So This is Basically RWBY **By JelloApocalypse. Since his prediction didn't come true, I felt the need to step in and make it real.**

**I know you all want the next chapter of Sins of the Forefathers but much like Hot as Hell, I just **_**need **_**to do this.**

**Don't expect a lot of quality, this is all random ass bullshit. Real stream-of-consciousness. I didn't even have my editor look at it, because he has better things to do than look at anything that isn't SotF.**

* * *

Weiss Hooks Up with Torchwick's Ghost

By: Kuroyami Fukaikuro

It was a cold evening in Atlas, made all the colder by the fact that Weiss was walking home alone. She'd gone out with Jaune and Oscar to see a movie, and while she had - to her own surprise - thoroughly enjoyed _Ultimate Mythos: The Souls Inside_, Jaune and Oscar had decided to celebrate Robyn Hill's given victory by splurging on another movie, _Catman V Overman: Daybreak of Law_.

Weiss, however, wanted to get some reading done before going to bed that night. And unlike Blake, she prided herself on only exposing herself to proper literature - such as her current read, _Hermock Sholmes_, a riveting detective drama. The main character's aptitude for deductive reasoning was impressive, and Weiss found herself applying similar through processes in her day to day life, in an effort to become as observant as the detective.

She checked her scroll, and noting that it was getting late, decided to take a quick shortcut through an alleyway back to the Bullhead landing pads. Turning left into the pathway, she sped up into a fastwalk, not wanting to spend too much time in the dirt-ridden backroad. She passed by a trash can, when all of a sudden she heard something that made her stop.

"_Hey, Snowflake."_

Weiss whirled around, drawing Myrtenaster - which, now that she was a licensed Huntress, never left her side, even in public - and assumed her stance, only to glance around as she saw nothing. She kept her guard up and turned slowly, keeping her blade at the ready, only to eventually, slowly, return it to her hip as she found nothing dangerous.

With one last glance, she turned to once again continue down the path-

"_I said hey, Snowflake."_

She spun around once more, and Myrtenaster was halfway out its sheath when she stalled, taken aback by the sight before her.

There, standing in front of her, was Roman Torchwick, the infamous criminal who'd caused so much trouble a few years ago, back when team RWBY had been at Beacon. They'd thought him the mastermind, only to be blindsided by Cinder's machinations.

But wasn't he dead?

She looked him over, and noticed something strange - she could see _through _him, see the path behind him, though it was hazy.

Weiss stepped back. "A-are you a ghost?"

"_Uh, yeah? Helloooo, princess, get with the program! Or is it 'Heiress'?"_

Weiss blinked, unsure of how to respond. Eventually deciding that a ghost couldn't harm her, she slowly sheathed her sword once more and stood tall. "I… er, I'm no longer the Heiress to the SDC."

"_Daddy cut you off, huh? Well, knowing Jacques, it's probably been a long time coming. You don't disobey him without there being some consequences."_

"You knew my father?"

"_He had a life before the Schnee, Snowflake. We had similar starts - nothing. And we both decided to do something about it. He was in it more for the money than the action, though, which is why he's so good at not getting caught."_

"Wait, he worked with you!? Then that means we can arrest him, and revoke his position as head of the SDC!"

"_Yeah, not to burst your bubble, but I'm pretty sure 'Ghost Testimony' isn't gonna hold up in a court of law as evidence, Snowflake."_

"Well I have to do something! He's running the company into the ground! ...and stop calling me 'Snowflake'!"

"_Yeah, well, doesn't concern me. Look, I just need to ask you a favor."_

Weiss leaned back and crossed her arms. "And why should I help you? You're a criminal! Even worse, you worked with my father!"

"_Odd priorities, but I won't judge. Also, I suppose you don't have to help me, but in that case I can just haunt you until you go crazy."_

Weiss blinked. _Can he do that? Is that how ghosts work? ...I can't believe I'm saying this, but maybe I shouldn't have skipped out on horror movie night at Beacon… knowledge about ghosts would help me out here._

"Okay… supposing you can make good on that threat-"

"_I can."_

"What do you want?"

"_I want to save Neo."_

"Who?"

"_My apprentice? Pink-brown hair, umbrella, beat the shit out of blondie that one time?"_

"Oh, her? Is she even alive? And save her from what?"  
"_From Cinder. Cinder's convinced Neo to help her get revenge on Red, but I think she should just move on and put Cinder behind her."_

"Can't you just… haunt her? Or whatever this is?"

"_Nope. Cinder's little magic trick or whatever keeps me bound away from them. So I have to turn to you. Well, it didn't have to be you specifically but I saw you first."_

"O...kay. This is all very strange."  
"_You're telling me…"_

"Well… I suppose any opportunity to weaken Cinder and Salem's faction is something I should shoot for. I hope you understand, though, that I will be telling the others about this?"

"_Yeah, sure, tell Little Red and the rest of the kids, just don't let Ironwood know. I don't need him and his scientists on my incorporeal back."_

"...deal." Weiss held her hand out.

Roman stared at it. "_You understand I can't touch anything, right?"  
_Weiss took her hand back and coughed into it.

* * *

The rest of Team RWBY, JNR, and Oscar did not take too kindly to Roman's ghost.

Not that they could do anything about it. He was around to stay, and even Ruby's Silver Eyes didn't cast him away.

So, the weeks passed as they trained, gathered information, and tried to subtly slip that information to Ironwood and the Ace Ops in a believable manner.

Like Roman had said, they couldn't just say "A ghost told us where to find Cinder and Neo."

As time went on, Weiss and Roman spent more time with each other as well, to Ruby's chagrin and everyone else's confusion. Weiss explained that she wished to learn more about her father's past, to possibly find a weakness they could use to shake his hold on Atlas and the SDC.

Ruby and Jaune weren't convinced. Jaune especially, having been one of Weiss' former paramours, recognized her behavior around Roman's ghost - it was eerily similar to her behavior around Neptune, back at Beacon.

Weiss was crushing on a dead man.

* * *

"So, Roman," Weiss began one day, walking up to Roman as he floated around the back of the training room. It was late at night, the only time he showed up so as not to appear on the cameras.

"_What is it, Snowflake?"_

"When you and my father were working together, did he ever get personally involved with the… operations?"

"_Nope. Never. Jacques was a thinker and schemer, and in that regard he was much better than me - once upon a time, he had the whole Mistralian underworld dancing in the palm of his hand. Though, it's been years since then, and there's no telling how soft he's gotten since he moved out to Atlas."_

"You think Atlesian businesses are any less cutthroat than criminal gangs?"

"_Yes. An Atlesian business might pull some shady shit and get you incriminated or caught up in legal intrigue. In Mistral, a rival gang would do that, _and _bomb your place of business. Not to mention, the White Fang wasn't half as much a threat to the SDC as you seem to think, not in Atlas, the home of the military. Jacques had better protection than some council members. Compared to what we used to be up against, some stuffy Atlesian old-bloods and the White Fang are chumps."_

"And what were your duties when you worked with my father?"

"_I was his lieutenant, or at least I called myself that. Gangs like to organize themselves after militaries - it's easy to copy and establishes a clear hierarchy. I was usually his muscle, the guy who personally dealt with clients or rivals when they stepped on our turf. I also trained newbloods and made sure they knew who was in charge. When Jacques married your mom, I got the gang."_

"Well, that must have been exciting."

"_That's one way to put it. First thing I did was move us to Vale - back then, there was no one on the level of Mistral's gangs, even Junior was just getting started."_

"You know, despite working with my father, you don't seem his age."

"_I'm not. Your old man's like, fifty now? I was ten when his gang picked me up off the streets, and he was twenty-five then. It was another ten years before he married your mom."_

"You were thirty-three when you died?"

"_Yeah, but I don't see why that's relevant."_

Weiss coughed. "Oh, uh… It's nothing. Anyway, do you have any stories about when you worked with Cinder? Any intelligence we can get on her would be useful…"

* * *

Things were going poorly.

Watts and Tyran's coordinated attack on Mantle had caused an enormous ruckus. To make things worse, Cinder and Neo blindsided the group, attacking Oscar and the Winter Maiden.

Ironwood losing his mind certainly didn't help things.

Which led to now. After dealing with the Ace Ops, Weiss had opted to go and check on team JNR and Oscar - apparently, they'd been attacked by Neo, and since Roman had attached himself to Weiss, she would have to go to them to get Neo to switch sides.

And so it was that Neo found herself facing Weiss and the ghost of her old mentor and father-figure.

And they seemed weirdly close?

Roman's ghost actually had his hand on Weiss' shoulder, and they were both pleading for her to switch sides. Neo thought it was a trick, an illusory Semblance perhaps, until the ghost brought up something personal.

The real deal.

Still, it was weird as shit that they were so touchy-feely with each other, especially since Roman's ghost technically couldn't touch anything.

"Oh my god, Weiss, are you and Roman a thing now?!"

Weiss and Roman both coughed.

Huh.

Neo shrugged, returned the Relic of Knowledge to Oscar, and walked over, hugging her former mentor and new stepmom(?).

She'd always wanted a family.

* * *

**Author's Note: Yeah I dunno what to say. After coming up with the basic premise I didn't really know where to go with it. I just shat out stuff until I reached a basic level of personal satisfaction. I hope it was at least amusing. **

**Maybe someone else out there has a better idea for to fit the premise. In which case please, go ahead and write it! I'd love to see a competent version of this idea.**


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